It’s fun to have celebrity crushes. Lusting after famous females provides guys with an opportunity to play “what if?”—i.e., what if Kate Upton and Scarlett Johansson invited you to squeeze in their sleeping bag?—with zero chance of the fantasy ever coming to fruition. But when your girlfriend plays the same game and lists her own dream hookups, it hurts a little bit. Sure, she’ll never actually rendezvous with Brad Pitt . . . but the mere fact that she thinks he’s hot might make you feel inferior about your own good looks.
That’s why we came up with this list of her most common crushes, and their not-so-secret imperfections: to boost your own ego, and hopefully knock these guys off her list until there’s no one left on it but you. Because damn it, you’re better than Clooney.
1. Channing Tatum
Women love the Magic Mike star for his ripped physique, but Tatum might be taking his beefcake reputation a bit too literally as of late. On a recent Ellen Degeneres Showappearance, the actor copped to feeling “fappy,” or a combination of “fat” and “happy,” thanks to the recent birth of his daughter. Even chiseled ex-strippers are prone to packing extra dough.
2. Gerard Butler
Sure, she finds his thick Scottish accent sexy. But has she heard his hilarious attempt at American speak, most noticeably on display in flicks like Olympus Has Fallen and The Bounty Hunter? The man can’t channel our cadence to save his life. Meanwhile, your native tongue? Impeccable.
3. George Clooney
Clooney has dated some of the most beautiful women in the world, from Stacy Keibler to Sarah Larson to Elisabetta Canalis. It’s an impressive track record, to be sure, but there’s a reason the Monuments Men star has earned the dubious distinction of being a “bachelor for life”: He just can’t commit. Even if your girl landed a night with Clooney, he’d probably move on the morning after.
4. Zac Efron
The former Disney star made headlines in 2012 when he accidentally pulled a condom from his pocket and dropped it on the red carpet—at the premiere for the Dr. Seuss film The Lorax, no less. While you can commend Efron for practicing safe sex—and brushing the blunder off with a smirk—dock him a few points for being so careless.
5. Liam Hemsworth
The Aussie actor was once engaged to Miley Cyrus. Enough said.
6. Robert Pattinson
The mysterious British actor was in a relationship with his Twilight costar Kristen Stewart until she cheated on him with her director, Rupert Sanders. Yet Pattinson quickly took her back, even after she admitted infidelity. That’s bad judgment in our books.
7. Drake
He’s come a long way from starring on the Canadian drama Degrassi as a kid to being one of hip hop’s most successful rappers. But Drake also has the tendency to whine and share intimate details about his sex life. Take this passage from hit single “Marvin’s Room”: “I got some women that's living off me/ Paid for their flights and hotels I’m ashamed/ Bet that you know them, I won’t say no names/ After a while girl they all seem the same/ I’ve had sex four times this week, I’ll explain.” No need, buddy. We get the picture.
8. Ryan Gosling
Honestly, we couldn’t find even a morsel of dirt on this guy. Your girlfriend is right: He’s perfect.
